changing&learning

my psychology teacher noted in my class today

"if something is not changed, there is not a lesson learned. learning does not occur unless change occurs."

i could not agree with her more. but am i subject to this quote? am i a good or bad example of what this statement stands for? being honest and true to myself.. i cannot say that i am. though some events have surfaced over the last few days i have contained my feelings and moved on, i felt as though i had no other choice. a choice... a choice is defined "as to be preferred". we are faced with choices everyday, choices that result, ultimately in a consequence. when we were younger the word consequence has such a negative stereotype attached to it. a consequence was a bad thing we had to indure. when in actuality a consequence can be either good or bad. we choose to be destracted in the car and through that a consequence is suffered, a car accident. in which was a choice i made at the time, that i made so many times before that resulted in consequences where i nearly escaped other potiental accidents. i and the driver were physically okay but i was mentally sad. almost two years of perfect driving. i guess it goes to show that even the most careful people mess up sometimes.

i also CHOSE to make another desicion that i truely regret. i have to admit that i have trouble admitting i was wrong and i have very stubborn traits in myself. for some reason i dont reason and really think about a situation until i sit down and turn it around, it sounds so cliche but put yourself in the other persons shoes. if that was you what would you do? would you tolerate it? put up with it? deal with it? if the answer is yes, determine if its the way you really feel. the person you upset isn't angry for no reason. trust me, they don't like being mad, and not talking to you. but they do it because they love you and want you to understand that what you did wasnt right. but you can only give so many apologies, gifts, hugs and kisses. "if there is no change occured, you learned nothing." so did i learn something? or am i just testing my limits? my mom always told me, "don't play with fire or your going to get burned." well yesterday i got burned. your faced with decisions everyday. do you want to go with the option that only fulfills 80% of your wants and needs? or 20% and the percentage you may want in a person? in the end even a kindergardener knows to pick the pile with the most things in it. "go towards your instinct" may be a wise saying sometimes but not all the time, because sometimes instinct will get you to loose the one or ones you love dearly. i would suggest to think about the things you do and say, it may sound akward because you do it so often but ask yourself. is this what i want or need? is it really worth it? think it over, i'm sure you will come to the right conclusion.

as for my situation, all i can do is wait. i ran out of apologies, kisses, and hugs. so here i am waiting, because though i don't want to admit it and crave control.. the choice is not in my hands.

and though the consequences of my actions with my car show its scars physically on the vehicle and emotionally on me, doesn't mean i can not move on. though there is a very LARGE endentation on my car, my parents not once asked me what happened but rather if i was okay. because at the end of the day material things such as cars can be replaced. but another exact replication of me siezes to exist.

"plan for the worst and hope for the best."

and this would be the perfect time, as all times to pray.